So here it is, another Sunday night. It's been a while since I wrote anything on here, mainly because I'm not sure what to write. So I'll wing it and see what spews from these fingers.

My wife asked me tonight why I liked it here in Airdrie. She finds it very lonely and feels shut out of our ward (she's most likely going to kill me for saying that, but oh well). I have had an easier adjustment to living out here. I don't mind the commute, it's very peaceful and serene most nights, and the Walmart isn't busy most of the time. Anyway, back to the question. Why do I like it out here? I thought about it and came to the conclusion that out here, I can be my own man. You see, in the church in Calgary, me and my siblings were always referred to as Derek Coulthard's son/daughter. Out here, yes people knew him, but I could also be Gavin Coulthard. Out here I have forged my own path and been able to shed the expectations of being Derek Coulthard's son. My other siblings will know what I am talking about. This revelation has been a long time in coming. My brother, who served a mission, was able to find out what kind of person he was while on his mission also away from being known as....well you get the idea. This has come to me at a much later time in my life. With this new revelation in my life, I can move forward and stop trying to compare myself to him. You see, my dad is a great man. He has overcome much in his life, had many callings within the church and is also very outgoing. For those of you who know me personally, you know that I am the complete opposite. I am very, very shy. I take a long time to start to let my true self be shown in public. In fact, my family would most likely be very shocked if they knew what I was truly like at home. With moving out here to Airdrie, I have been able to chart my own path and become a more complete and rounded husband and father. This is why I am not opposed to moving back to Calgary, and possibly even my parents ward. When we do move back, I will no longer be "Derek Coulthard's son Gavin", I will be "Gavin Coulthard and yes I am his son".

That being said, I do truly love my father for everything that he has done for me and each of my siblings. We might not always have seen eye to eye(in fact we fought for most of my teens), but as I got older I realised that my father does know some things better than I do. He was the one who put me on my career path, and was able to help me out when I needed it the most. He has been there for the important days in my life, even when he didn't agree with the choices that I was making. I also joke with him that I am cursed to be very much like him in a lot of ways, but he knows that I wouldn't have it any other way.

Venting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why does life lift you up just to kick you in the family jewels again?

After the high of finding out that we are expecting an addition to our little family came the reality of the event.
Firstly, we only have a 2 bedroom condo and Tyler is in the only other room. So we need to get a new house. We thought that it would be good to get one with a basement apartment, that way April's parents could rent out the basement and help with the mortgage and looking after the little one.

All sounds really good doesn't it? Here's the kicker.

We are about $10,000 "upside down" on this property, not including the down payment and realtor fees for the new house. All in all, about $30,000 is what we need to come up with to move. We applied for a line of credit only to find out that it most likely won't happen and they do not allow co-signers on a line of credit.

So now what?????????

We're willing to listen to any ideas anybody might have.

11

11 years ago today (May 9, 1999) my life was changed forever. No longer was I just a man going through life. That day I became a father. That day is the day that I stopped thinking about putting myself first and started putting my son first. Every decision from that point on was decided on the question "How will this affect my son?" Unfortunately I have missed out on a lot of my son's growing up. You see, when he was about 3-4 years old, his mother and I split up. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I thought about it for months before actually moving out of the house. At the time I was also going through closing down a failed business and bankruptcy, so I was unable to gain custody of my son. He lives with his mother and I see him at least every other weekend and sometimes more. There are so many events in his life that I was not there for and I am wracked with guilt every time I think about it. I try not to think about it and focus on the time I do have with him. He is now entering that phase of life where things can be confusing and painful. I have a small hope that when he is going to start Junior High School that he will decide to come and live with me and my wife so that I can be there for him to answer the inevitable questions.

Today also brings other challenges and joys to my life. Today (& yesterday) we told our respective families that we are expecting a child to bless our home come this December. This is my second chance to be the Father that I always wanted to be. Because of the earlier choices in my life, my son is not a member of the Mormon Church. This means that he has not been baptised. It also means that I have not (at this time) be able to ordain him to the Priesthood (when he turns 12), or perform any of the other things that Mormon fathers do for their children. I have been given that second chance and am so thankful for it. Does this mean that my son's importance to me has dwindled? Not even the slightest. In fact, I would say that it has grown. This way I can show him how a father should be and how a father is there for his children no matter what.

I am grateful for the joy that my son brings me and the challenges as well. On this day I wish him a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I LOVE YOU TYLER!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!