11 years ago today (May 9, 1999) my life was changed forever. No longer was I just a man going through life. That day I became a father. That day is the day that I stopped thinking about putting myself first and started putting my son first. Every decision from that point on was decided on the question "How will this affect my son?" Unfortunately I have missed out on a lot of my son's growing up. You see, when he was about 3-4 years old, his mother and I split up. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I thought about it for months before actually moving out of the house. At the time I was also going through closing down a failed business and bankruptcy, so I was unable to gain custody of my son. He lives with his mother and I see him at least every other weekend and sometimes more. There are so many events in his life that I was not there for and I am wracked with guilt every time I think about it. I try not to think about it and focus on the time I do have with him. He is now entering that phase of life where things can be confusing and painful. I have a small hope that when he is going to start Junior High School that he will decide to come and live with me and my wife so that I can be there for him to answer the inevitable questions.
Today also brings other challenges and joys to my life. Today (& yesterday) we told our respective families that we are expecting a child to bless our home come this December. This is my second chance to be the Father that I always wanted to be. Because of the earlier choices in my life, my son is not a member of the Mormon Church. This means that he has not been baptised. It also means that I have not (at this time) be able to ordain him to the Priesthood (when he turns 12), or perform any of the other things that Mormon fathers do for their children. I have been given that second chance and am so thankful for it. Does this mean that my son's importance to me has dwindled? Not even the slightest. In fact, I would say that it has grown. This way I can show him how a father should be and how a father is there for his children no matter what.
I am grateful for the joy that my son brings me and the challenges as well. On this day I wish him a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
I LOVE YOU TYLER!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
okay.... 2 out of your 3 blogs have brought me to tears.
ReplyDeleteyou are such a great guy, and glad to have you as my brother.
What a great post! We are so excited for you and April. And Tyler will be a great big brother!! You are a great example and like Bethany, I'm grateful that you are my brother!
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