Sunday, January 30, 2011

Something I'm working on.

So here's a little sample of something that I have been working on. I came up with the idea to write a story about some of the people that followed Moses out of Egypt. Now these weren't prominent people, but the every day normal people that are just trying to get by. I was inspired by the work of Ken Follet and his stories "Worlds Without End" and "Pillars of the Earth".

Here is the beginning. Please feel free to let me know what you think.

As Efram pushed along with 20 others, the block started to roll along the logs laid out on the ground. The hardest part was over. Once the block was moving it was much easier to keep going. As they approached the top of the ramp they began to slow down. They didn’t want the block dropping off the end of the ramp and ruining half a days work. When they got to the turn at the top of the ramp, the slave master told them to stop and gave each man some bread and water. Efram drank the water sparingly so that he could save some for just before going back to work. The sun was relentless today. He enjoyed the rest as he chatted with his fellow slaves. Efram had been with this crew for almost 2 years now. He started with them when he was the age of 10 as a log boy. He would grab a log as the block came off it and run to the front and place it down again. This enabled the block to be moved into the proper position from the pit. He had done this until he was strong enough, then he was promoted to his current position. During the 2 years, he had seen a few friends fall beneath the block and be killed as they tried to place a log. He had learned early on to be quick and stay out of the way. Lunchtime was over when the slave driver returned. Efram quickly drank the last of his water and began to push.

This was the trickiest part. They had to push the block only a little ways then stop it and push it another way up the next ramp. This usually happened with very few problems, but today something was wrong. As he pushed he placed his foot down and stepped on a log. One of the young log boys had not yet removed it. As he slipped, he took a couple of other men down with him. The block started to roll back down the ramp. He desperately tried to regain his footing, but he was only stepping on others feet. The block continued to roll back. It was at that point that the men gave up and jumped out of the way. Efram was alone in front of the block as it slid towards him. He quickly regained his footing and jumped out of the way, but the block caught his sandal and started to drag him towards the edge of the ramp. As he struggled to free himself he felt the other grab his arms and start to pull him back up. The pain was incredible and most of the men let go. As the block tumbled over the edge, his sandal came free. But it was too late he was heading off the edge of the ramp as well. He struggled to grab an edge when some of the men grabbed his arms again and pulled him to safety. As he got to his feet he looked over the edge to see the block had been smashed to many pieces when it fell. But that was not the worst part. It had fallen on one of the Egyptian leaders and killed him instantly. The punishment would most certainly be death for whoever was found to have caused this incident.

Efram quickly turned around to see the chaos behind him. There was his cousin Ezekiel being whipped by the slave driver. His blood boiled with rage and jumped towards where they were standing. He was ready to attack the slave driver when another Egyptian leader told the slave driver to stop what he was doing. The man ignored his superior and continued to whip the young boy. That was when Efram witnessed the most amazing thing. The Egyptian leader drew his sword and killed the slave driver! Everyone stood around in shock and wonderment. The leader seemed to realize what he had done and began to worry about his own life. He started to run down the ramp. Efram caught him and asked him his name. He said it was Moses. Then he pushed Efram aside and ran off into the crowd. Moses. That would be a name he would never forget.


  1. Gavin, this was really interesting to read. You should definitely keep at it, who knew you were such a talented writer:)


  2. very good! excellent. you should keep writing it..... i want to know what happens! a very interesting viewpoint as well. keep it up!!