October 25th, 2010.

This is a date that will forever be with me. This was the day that my life was turned upside down. It also goes along with three little words that I’ll never forget. Those words are:

“I’m sorry guys.”

Those were the words that the OB/GYN told us at the hospital after we had gone there because we couldn’t feel the baby moving. After that, things got a little fuzzy. Let me back up a bit.

The weekend was going great. We had arranged for the contractor to come in on Monday and start on changing the den into a bedroom. We had purchased a bunch of new clothes, and a stroller/car seat combo. We were beginning to get excited about the little addition to our family in a couple of months. We had names picked out, planning a holiday with him the following summer, just getting excited. Our families were excited as well. They were purchasing clothes, toys and other things in anticipation. Then came Sunday.

We went to church as usual and we heard how another family, that was expecting any day, were having some complications, so we were asked, as a congregation, to pray that all may go well. After coming home and having lunch, April noted that she didn’t think that she had felt the baby for a while. She had a glass of orange juice and we went about the day. Later that evening, she mentioned that she didn’t feel the baby. So off to the emergency care in Airdrie. They instructed us to go to the hospital where we would be delivering. So off to the Rockeyview Hospital we went, grumbling because it is a long way and we thought they could have just put a heartbeat monitor on and it would all be good. I drop April off at the front door and go and park the car. We get to the Maternity ward and they get into a room right away and start to hook up the monitors. They seemed to be having some difficulty, so they called in an OB/GYN to do an ultrasound. The nurse that admitted us was still talking to April when I noticed that the OB/GYN seemed to be waiting to speak. When she did, our world came crashing down.

“I’m sorry guys.”

With three little words, our dream had come to an end. After that, there was much crying, consoling, phone calls were made and a blessing was given. April then had to go through one of the most cruel things that I can think of. She had to give birth. Why was this cruel? Because there would be no reward at the end.

So on Monday October 25th, 2010 at around 5:22pm, Kai Derek Samuel Coulthard was born. There was no crying as he gasped for air, there was no movement from his arms or legs. There was nothing. Just this tiny little body. After the nurse cleaned him and wrapped him in a blanket, she asked if we wanted to hold him. As I held my little boy, I broke down. In my arms was supposed to be a loving bundle of joy, instead there was a lifeless body. As our family gathered around for support, there were no barriers to emotion being shown. There were lots of tears, hugs, well wishes, questions, and most of all, support for me and April. Eventually family started to leave and then there was just April, me and Kai. As we sat with our little one and contemplated what had happened and why, we held him for what now doesn’t seem like long enough. At 10:30pm we handed our little son over to the nurses, never to hold him again. Never to see him smile, run, play, fall in love, get married and have children of his own. This is the hardest to come to terms with.


Two months. Two months have passed since that event, and we are getting better. Writing this is my way of dealing with it. The emotions are still very raw and we still have many, many questions. We believe that Kai was a valiant servant of our Father in Heaven and did not need to prove himself in this life, but he did need a physical body. We don’t know why Kai didn’t need to be here, and that is hard, but we are comforted with our belief that we will see him and get a chance to know and raise him in the next life. This belief seems to take away the edge of the pain, but not completely remove it. In the coming weeks during Christmas, it will be especially hard as his due date was the 23rd of December.

I am going to attach a couple of picture of Kai. They have been re-touched, but if you do not want to look, I understand.


















If you thought that wasn’t horrible enough, wait until I tell you about the trip we took afterwards.

Until then.

End of an era and begining of a new one.

Well it's been a while since my last post (over a month) and not much has happened. On the 31st of August I handed my truck back to the leasing company and we officially became a one car family. The only vehicle we have is our 2007 Honda Fit. This needs to be our only car for a couple of years until we can afford 2 car payments again. Then I get to go and get a car that I really want. Don't know what it is yet, but I have a couple of years to think about it and do some serious research. I do have a few in mind already, but they are a little expensive at the moment. We'll see what happens in a couple of years.

Our house is now officially off the market. We tried to sell it for a few months, but as luck would have it, as soon as it hit the market, the market collapsed. Seriously, it dropped 42% the first month we listed. Now we need to look at converting our den/office into a 3rd bedroom. Hopefully that won't cost too much. We have already got a crib and change table for the new bedroom and also a playpen for the living room/wherever. All donated by very nice people who do not read this blog.

Work is good and busy. I just started on a new project as well as doing some finishing work for the old one. Hopefully I'll get to do some design work on this new project, but I doubt it will be much. The project is basically a copy of an old one for the same company, just in a different location. This year I plan on continuing my education and hopefully getting a lot of it completed towards my Process Piping Certificate. Of course with the baby coming in December, I'm not sure how much time I will have to study and such. I am also toying with the idea of joining our companies "Toastmasters Club" to work on my public speaking and confidence in a group setting. The trouble with that is the club is at the Southport location and I am downtown. We'll see if we can make it work.

Church is going good. I am still the first assistant in the High Priest Group and slowly getting more comfortable with the Branch/Ward. I think that this calling is also helping me to overcome my shyness as every few weeks I need to give a lesson or lead the group in some manner.

Well I guess I've bored you enough with what is happening, if you are even reading this blog anymore.

I am working on a couple of things at the moment that will hopefully show up here in the next few weeks.

Thanks for stopping by.

2004

2004??? What was going on in 2004? Not much that I can remember. I do remember that being the year that I decided to go back to school and get my AutoCad Certificate, but other than that it was pretty uneventful. So why would I be talking about it?? Well, that's the year of my truck. I own/lease a 2004 GMC Canyon Crew Cab Z71 4x4. I leased it in 2006 for 4 years. If you do the math you will notice that this is the year it goes back to leasing company. In fact at the end of August I need to hand it back to them or buy it out. I have decided to give it back to them and we are going to become a 1 car family for as long as possible. Let me tell you about my truck.

As I stated before it is a 2004 GMC Canyon Crew Cab Z71 4x4. It is a SLE trim, which basically means it's loaded. It has power everything, except seats, cruise control, auto dimming rear view mirror with compass and temperature read out, 6 disc upgraded stereo, remote key less entry, dual air bags, dual power outlets, the 3.5l in line 5 cylinder engine (yes 5 cylinders), and a bunch more. I bought the truck in 2006 and it had 70,000kms on it already. I wasn't concerned about the mileage, because I knew that these trucks are pretty durable.

The day I picked the truck up and drove it home, my family was in the back yard waiting for me. After showing it off for a few minutes, my Dad announced that we needed to take some stuff to the dump. We loaded it up 3 times that day with junk that had been accumulating in their garage. The pleasures of owning a truck. It wasn't bad, I actually enjoyed it. The next weekend I ended up hauling some cement blocks from my parents house to my brother-in-laws for their back yard. I could already start to see a trend forming. When my sister in Salt Lake City found out that I had a truck, she asked if I cold bring down her trunk that she had here still. She had been without it for around 5 years, but now that I had a truck......well you get the idea. I didn't really mind doing these things, after all, that was what a truck was for.

Of course I also had some fun in it. Almost every weekend I could, I was out in the country looking for new off-roading areas that I could go. I had a blast on those days. Even when I took the trunk down to my sister, I went in search of the roads less travelled.

I loved this truck. The ride on it wasn't as harsh as I thought it would be. I drove very nice on the highway. I put a lot on miles on it the first couple of years I had it. Since then, the mileage has lessened. It is basically only driven now out of necessity. The reason being the gas mileage. For a smaller truck it's quite bad. The most I've ever got out of it was 550km to a tank of gas, which is around 70 litres. This was the biggest fault from day one with the truck. Everything else was good. The inside materials weren't the best quality and a little hard to the touch, but come on!!!! It's a truck for crying out loud, not a Lexus!!!

The reliability of the truck has been outstanding. There were winters were if vehicles were not plugged in, they wouldn't start. The truck always did. It got us to work when there was over 2 feet of snow out, it got us there when there was a layer of ice on the roads. The 4 wheel drive system in the truck is unstoppable. I have never gotten stuck in it (knock on wood).

Lately there have been a few issues with the truck. Last year the ABS light came on and was causing the system to act a little funny. We took it to a local garage where they informed me that the front wheel bearings were worn out and needed to be replaced. I almost passed out when they told me that it would be close to $1500 to replace them and the ABS sensors on the bearings. I thanked the nice man and left with the truck. My cousin and I changed the wheel bearings and ABS sensors for around $800 (Thanks Fergus!!). The truck is getting to that point where the little things are starting to wear out. The front brakes are almost worn out, the tires are getting worn down, things like that. And I've found out that nothing is cheap for this truck. A turn signal bulb is almost $7, rear brake shoes are $150, Front bumper cover cost $250, so I think it is time to give it up. Plus the payment isn't exactly cheap either.

If we can do with out a second car until the new baby arrives, then we will be able to put a lot of money into savings maybe, just maybe, have enough for a down payment next year on a house closer to our family and friends.

Well, there's the story on my truck. This truck was a post divorce/new career gift to myself at the time. Since then I have found an even greater gift in my wife. She is the light of my life and the reason to better myself each day.

3

It has been a while since my last post. Life has been pretty busy.

This is fair warning to those who are not into mushy posts or are not used to seeing it from me. This post is going to be extremely mushy and full of all that lovey dovey stuff.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are probably wondering about the title. 3? What could that mean?? It means that 3 years ago today, I made the best decision I ever could have. I was sealed for time and all eternity to the most wonderful woman I have ever known. Sorry Mom and my sisters, but it's true. You are great in other ways, but April takes the cake.

As some of you may know, this is my second time being married. However, there is a big difference between this marriage and my first. The main one being a common set of beliefs and lifestyles. We are Mormon, and with that comes a set belief and common goal for us both. That's not what makes her so great though.

April and I are very similar in personalities. We are both shy and self conscious, and not outgoing at all. In fact, it is a wonder that we got together at all. We were both taking it very, very slowly and wanting to take the next step, but too damn scared to do so. Obviously we finally did and here we are. Married for 3 years.

It was quite funny this past week as we were talking with someone and they said "Oh Happy Anniversary tomorrow!". April and I just looked at each other in a state of confusion. We had both forgotten it was our anniversary today. That is how comfortable we are with each other. It seems like we have been together for ever, in a good way. And yet we are also amazed that it has been 3 years.

Here's the best part! I get to spend the rest of eternity (a really long time) with the most compassionate, caring, loving, humorous, quirky, sometimes adventurous, seeing through my failings, empathetic, most wonderful woman that has ever graced this earth. I am the luckiest man alive (I know all guys say that, but I mean it!!). I thank God everyday that I get to spend with her, even if it is just lazing around watching TV. My life, my son's life and our expected little one's life will all be better of just having known her. 3 years ago today, I became a complete person. And for that, I thank April, the woman who made me complete.

LOVE YOU SWEETIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

38 Years.

38 years ago today in the city of Manchester, England a little boy took his first breath, and promptly screamed! He was the second by in his little but growing family and would end up being the second oldest of 5 children. Shortly after his birth, his family moved to Saudi Arabia. Yes I did say Saudi Arabia. He spent the first two years of his life there playing amongst the sand dunes and various friends. It was here where his allergy to Penicillin was discovered after he became very sick, according to his parents. After two years of playing in the desert, his family moved back to England for a short stay before heading to Canada. His family settled in a little town called Calgary, yes it was little at the time. Shortly after arriving in Calgary, the little family grew a little bigger with the addition of the first girl in the family, aside from the mother. Anyways, back to the little boy.
When the little boy was young, he played with little cars, like most little boys his age, but the little boy was a little different. He seemed to be fascinated with the automobile. And not just the little toy ones either. He was eager to learn as much as possible about them. He would subscribe to Road & track in his early youth and soon be able to tell anyone around him who would listen what year, make, and model the car approaching them was. This seemed to drive his parents crazy as he would sometimes yell it out while we were all in the car. During his later teens his interest seemed to change a bit as most young boys’ minds do, to girls. This didn’t mean that he stopped learning about cars at all, he just supplemented that interest with a new one. At one point he was seriously looking at a career in Automotive design. That was his goal, until he found out what it would take and how much it would cost. There was no way he cold afford to go to school for design. He was bummed. He then thought that the next best thing to designing cars would be selling them and running his own dealership. The cost for schooling wasn’t nearly as much as design and he could stay in Canada to do it. He researched the school, got information packages for it, and worked to save up the money to go. However, the job he was doing to save for school presented another option. He could have a good career fixing cars. He would be around them all day long, learning a how they worked, how the complex systems worked together, etc. He abandoned his dealership ambitions and set out to be an Automotive Technician. Five years later he was a Certified Automotive technician with an Inter-Provincial Red Seal. He was in heaven. Then the monotonous daily grind started to fade his enthusiasm for the trade. Then he made one of the biggest decisions in his life. He would open his own repair shop. During his career, he also got married and started a family of his own. He had just moved into a new house in a nice area of Calgary and things were looking good! He opened the shop 3 weeks after 9/11 happened and the economy tanked. Not the best timing in the world, as two years later it closed down. Also in that time his marriage fell apart and he had to go into bankruptcy. This wasn’t the worst part. That was that his parents and his older brother also had to go into bankruptcy as they were all partners in his shop. His life was at an all time low. That’s when an epiphany happened. He realized that cars could be a hobby for him and he could pursue a real career with real pay and opportunity. He went back to school and started a new career at the age of 33. Since then he has been in his new career for 5 years. He got remarried 3 years ago this July, and is expecting a child this Christmas season. He is still very passionate about cars and all thing automotive, but now it is not the be all, end all.

How do I know so much about this person? Because this person is me. Today I turn 38 years old. As you can tell from everything above, it has been an eventful 38 years. And what have I learned? I’ve learned that there are more important things in life than 4000 pound hunks of metal and plastic that look good. Family is the most important thing in life, and I have been blessed to be a part of one of the best. Even though we are very sarcastic and joke around with each other, we all know that we love each and every member of the family.

So here it is, another Sunday night. It's been a while since I wrote anything on here, mainly because I'm not sure what to write. So I'll wing it and see what spews from these fingers.

My wife asked me tonight why I liked it here in Airdrie. She finds it very lonely and feels shut out of our ward (she's most likely going to kill me for saying that, but oh well). I have had an easier adjustment to living out here. I don't mind the commute, it's very peaceful and serene most nights, and the Walmart isn't busy most of the time. Anyway, back to the question. Why do I like it out here? I thought about it and came to the conclusion that out here, I can be my own man. You see, in the church in Calgary, me and my siblings were always referred to as Derek Coulthard's son/daughter. Out here, yes people knew him, but I could also be Gavin Coulthard. Out here I have forged my own path and been able to shed the expectations of being Derek Coulthard's son. My other siblings will know what I am talking about. This revelation has been a long time in coming. My brother, who served a mission, was able to find out what kind of person he was while on his mission also away from being known as....well you get the idea. This has come to me at a much later time in my life. With this new revelation in my life, I can move forward and stop trying to compare myself to him. You see, my dad is a great man. He has overcome much in his life, had many callings within the church and is also very outgoing. For those of you who know me personally, you know that I am the complete opposite. I am very, very shy. I take a long time to start to let my true self be shown in public. In fact, my family would most likely be very shocked if they knew what I was truly like at home. With moving out here to Airdrie, I have been able to chart my own path and become a more complete and rounded husband and father. This is why I am not opposed to moving back to Calgary, and possibly even my parents ward. When we do move back, I will no longer be "Derek Coulthard's son Gavin", I will be "Gavin Coulthard and yes I am his son".

That being said, I do truly love my father for everything that he has done for me and each of my siblings. We might not always have seen eye to eye(in fact we fought for most of my teens), but as I got older I realised that my father does know some things better than I do. He was the one who put me on my career path, and was able to help me out when I needed it the most. He has been there for the important days in my life, even when he didn't agree with the choices that I was making. I also joke with him that I am cursed to be very much like him in a lot of ways, but he knows that I wouldn't have it any other way.

Venting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why does life lift you up just to kick you in the family jewels again?

After the high of finding out that we are expecting an addition to our little family came the reality of the event.
Firstly, we only have a 2 bedroom condo and Tyler is in the only other room. So we need to get a new house. We thought that it would be good to get one with a basement apartment, that way April's parents could rent out the basement and help with the mortgage and looking after the little one.

All sounds really good doesn't it? Here's the kicker.

We are about $10,000 "upside down" on this property, not including the down payment and realtor fees for the new house. All in all, about $30,000 is what we need to come up with to move. We applied for a line of credit only to find out that it most likely won't happen and they do not allow co-signers on a line of credit.

So now what?????????

We're willing to listen to any ideas anybody might have.

11

11 years ago today (May 9, 1999) my life was changed forever. No longer was I just a man going through life. That day I became a father. That day is the day that I stopped thinking about putting myself first and started putting my son first. Every decision from that point on was decided on the question "How will this affect my son?" Unfortunately I have missed out on a lot of my son's growing up. You see, when he was about 3-4 years old, his mother and I split up. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I thought about it for months before actually moving out of the house. At the time I was also going through closing down a failed business and bankruptcy, so I was unable to gain custody of my son. He lives with his mother and I see him at least every other weekend and sometimes more. There are so many events in his life that I was not there for and I am wracked with guilt every time I think about it. I try not to think about it and focus on the time I do have with him. He is now entering that phase of life where things can be confusing and painful. I have a small hope that when he is going to start Junior High School that he will decide to come and live with me and my wife so that I can be there for him to answer the inevitable questions.

Today also brings other challenges and joys to my life. Today (& yesterday) we told our respective families that we are expecting a child to bless our home come this December. This is my second chance to be the Father that I always wanted to be. Because of the earlier choices in my life, my son is not a member of the Mormon Church. This means that he has not been baptised. It also means that I have not (at this time) be able to ordain him to the Priesthood (when he turns 12), or perform any of the other things that Mormon fathers do for their children. I have been given that second chance and am so thankful for it. Does this mean that my son's importance to me has dwindled? Not even the slightest. In fact, I would say that it has grown. This way I can show him how a father should be and how a father is there for his children no matter what.

I am grateful for the joy that my son brings me and the challenges as well. On this day I wish him a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I LOVE YOU TYLER!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Faith

So I had to teach this past Sunday in the High Priest group. What is really odd is that I am the youngest of the group and trying to teach men who have been Bishops, High Council, and various other callings. But here it is.

This weeks lesson was on Prayer. To teach this lesson, I decided to decided to use the Who, What, Where, When, Why, & How process. It went over quite well. So let's begin.

Who should pray? This was answered very quickly with "Everyone!". But is this true? Should everyone pray? Even those who do not believe in a Greater Power?

My answer is yes, everyone should pray. Whether you believe in God, Mother Nature, Flying Spaghetti Monster, whatever. Everyone should pray.

This leads into Why.

Why should we pray? Prayer has been an important part of Faith and Religion since the beginning of time. We need to pray to help us in resisting temptation and to help us stay on the straight and narrow path back to our Heavenly Father. We also need to pray to help us feel closer to God and to have Him be a part of our lives. Someone in the class also mentioned that we should also pray to thank Him for our blessings and for all that he does for us, and has done for us.

This then leads into When.

When should we pray? The easy answer here is "Always" (Doctrine & Covenants 10:5). Of course we should always be praying by keeping Him in our thoughts, but WHEN should we pray? There is the food prayers, family prayers, individual prayers, couples prayers for those that are married, and those times when we need some extra guidance or comfort. There is NO WRONG TIME TO PRAY!!!!!!

Then comes What.

What is prayer? Prayer is a way for us to communicate to our father in Heaven. To stay close to Him, to share our delight with Him, to share our sorrows with Him. Prayer is that personal and direct communication with Him. It is a way for us to feel connected to something bigger than this world. It is a way for us to NOT feel like we are all alone. There are a lot of people struggling who feel alone in this world, who feel like no one is there for them. This is how I felt shortly after my divorce. Someone (my Mom) told me that I needed to pray. There is more behind this, but that will come later. After I prayed that night for the first time in many, many years, a peaceful feeling came over me and I felt like I was no longer alone with my troubles.

Where should we pray? We never got this far in the lesson on Sunday as we ran out of time, but I thought I would pose it here. The lesson manual never covered it either, so it's free reign. Of course this all depends on the situation and the circumstances of where you are. We are commanded to pray in private, but what does that mean? Does that mean the we pray only when no one is around? But what about Church meetings? What about Family prayers? I think that this means more like we are not to be boastful about our praying. We are to do it, but not announce that we are doing it to the world in a prideful manner. I would enjoy hearing others thoughts on this as well. So please feel free to leave and thoughts in the comments.

Finally How do we pray? No matter where we are, whether we stand or kneel, whether we pray vocally or silently, whether we pray privately or in behalf of a group we should ALWAYS pray in faith, "with a sincere heart, with real intent" (Moroni 10:4). Of course as young children we are taught that there should be a certain pattern to our prayer.We usually open with "Heavenly Father" or "Father in Heaven" or something similar. Then we thank Him for our blessings. Sometimes this list is long, sometimes it's not. Then we ask Him for help or for help on behalf of others. We ask for blessings that we would like or desire. Then we close with "In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen". The very first line in the lesson manual is as follows: "Jesus taught, "Ye must always pray unto the Father in my name" (3 Nephi 18:19).

The power of Prayer is incredible. If I hadn't knelt that night and prayed after my Mom had mentioned it, my life would be completely different. I wouldn't be where I am today without that first step of prayer "with a sincere heart, with real intent".

I hope that you enjoyed this post and will continue to come back and continue to enjoy what I post.

A little background about me!!!

Well I guess I should tell you a little something about me.

For those of you who do not know, I am a Mormon. I have been a member my whole life, but had a few years, 15, where I didn't attend church or really believe it. I became active again about 6 years ago after a few faith affirming incidents that I will share at a later date.

That is the Faith.

First and foremost I am a husband and a father. I've been married to my wife for almost 3 years now. We were married in July of 2007. This is my second marriage. I also have a 10 year old son who turns 11 in May. Where did the time go? I am also the second child in a family of seven. I have an older brother and three younger sisters. They are all married and all have children. My older brother and youngest sister live within a 30 minute drive of me and my other sisters are in Texas and Northern BC.

That is the Family.

My parents have always said that I was born with a steering wheel in my hands and have always been interested in cars. Well with my initials being GMC, can you blame me? I have had a love affair for these 3000lb machines for as long as I can remember. It grew worse when I became friends with the son of a local Dealership owner. Over the past couple of years I have begun to spread my automotive preferences from beyond the GM fold, but I'll get into that at a later date.

And there's the Cars.

These are the three things that I am most passionate about in my life. I hope that by doing this, you will enjoy my passion for these as well and figure out what you are passionate about as well.

Well that's my first post. I hope that intrigues you enough to keep checking back and seeing what I write.